A Testament In Rebellion

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Rebellion. As a mom of three little ones, I come across rebellion almost daily. Finding hidden snacks from when someone was told “not right now”, a glance of touching something they very well know they are not to touch, trying to sneak their favorite toy up to bed without being caught (only to name a very small few). Maybe I am in this one alone – but I would bet I am not the only one catching their little mini’s doing things they know very well not to do regardless of the consequences.

Surprisingly enough, I’m actually not here to talk about my kid’s rebellious behaviour today, but my own.

To be honest – in my adult life – I wouldn’t have even considered me to be rebellious. I lead a fairly boring life. However, in the past few weeks, God has been showing me otherwise. Turns out I’m not as perfect as I would like to believe I am, and when things finally caught up to me and I had to take a look at who I am and what I was doing – It was an ugly picture that could no longer be ignored, as much as I wanted to.

1 Samuel 15:23 “For rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness is as bad as worshiping idols.”

I had made a shameful habit of rebelling against things I know very well God would not agree with. I had always justified it though in ways that would ease my guilt. You see, “someone else does it all of the time,” “It’s really not THAT bad,” “It’s not hurting anyone.” These are just a few of the things I would tell myself to push aside the nagging guilt knowing I was doing something that God isn’t OK with, ignoring his warning that something is bad for me even if it seems innocent (full disclosure – just like the quiet boys in highschool – the things that seem innocent tend to be trouble.) I allowed myself to become so caught up in my own wants accompanied with what the world deems to be acceptable here in 2020. I was completely rebellious but also greedy, rude…the list goes on.

All of those excuses I made myself, all of those reasons I told myself to try to push away the guilt of God telling me no, the anger I felt because I’m an adult and who is anyone to tell me no anyway? And here I am, being a child. The children that I correct all day. The children that yell and beg telling me that it’s not fair, that it won’t hurt them if I let them do it because their “careful”, that their friends are doing it. Then me trying to be a good parent holding my ground taking the “I hate you’s” and the “your the meanest mommy ever’s” because even though it isn’t what they WANT, I’m their mom and I have to do what’s right, to keep them safe whether it’s physically or otherwise.

This week God taught me something. I was introduced to an ugly side of myself I wasn’t aware of – or maybe just wouldn’t accept. I learned that I am a child, and was reminded that God is a good parent, who doesn’t care if “all our friends are doing it” or “it’s not THAT bad” or how angry or upset I will be if something is taken away. Just as I expect my children to stop doing something because “I said so, I am their mom and I know what’s best for them,” God also doesn’t fold and lower his standards of what’s best for his children because I happened to stomp my feet and go in the opposite direction.

This week, God taught me something about myself.

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